elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize