I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
