I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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