Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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