May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
