ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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