Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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