I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
