So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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