LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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