dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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