I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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