Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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