No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
