I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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