hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
