this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
