OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
