I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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