he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
