Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
