Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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