i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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