i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
