I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
