Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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