You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
