dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sext me about skeletons
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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