It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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