I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Green mimosas i think yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize