Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
