there was a trapeze. enough said
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
