Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
