how can u be prego again
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
