it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My bed smells like the plague
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