He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
