Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I want to have your abortion
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
