he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Randomize
