i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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