About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
