It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
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Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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