Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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