Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
