I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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