Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
