after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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