I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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