We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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