i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
