not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
