I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
