I'm so fucking centered right now
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
