I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
