she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
