i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
