Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
All I want is dick and wine.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
