Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
