I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
