Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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