i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
