Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
