I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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