I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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