I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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