I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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