So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
