It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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