Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
