Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
